A wife sobs as the front door slams . . .yet again. Signaling her husband’s flight from one more fight. She wonders, “Is divorce the answer?”
This question dawns slowly for some. A betrayal exposed. The fight that never ends. A chasm of distance from the one they hoped would be their soulmate. Some slowly begin to consider the possibility–“Should we divorce?”
Others jump into divorce. Clueless there are options to save their relationship.
Can you save a damaged marriage? If you find yourself wondering, a few questions help you understand your options.
1) What is the picture of a healthy marriage?
Before deciding if your marriage can be saved–take time to define the marriage you want. An array of resources can help.
- Vows. Many look to the vows they took on their wedding day. What did you promise each other? Are you keeping those promises?
- Counselors. Others seek insights from trusted counselors–either actual therapists or happily married friends. What can you learn from others’ healthy relationships? How can you add their insights to your own relationship?
- Scripture. Those operating from a faith foundation find definition for healthy marriage in scripture. How closely does your marriage mirror the design set out? Where must it change?
- Books. Finally, some consult sound books on relationships. These resources help you formulate a concrete picture of the behaviors that create a healthy marriage.
2) How do you use this picture to make your marriage top priority?
No matter who you consult–they will say the same thing. Make your marriage your top priority.
We learn our true priorities from answering three questions:
- Where to you spend your time?
- Where do you spend your money?
- What do you think about?
Examine your marriage.
- How much time do you spend caring for your spouse? Talking to him? Serving her? Enjoying each other?
- What percentage of your income do you spend specifically on your marriage? Date nights? Getaways? Investing in what nurtures your spouse?
- How often do you think about your spouse? Even when thinking about other topics–work commitments, hobbies, friends–do you also consider the impact on your spouse?
What would it mean to make your spouse the top human priority with your time, your money, and your thought life? Write down these changes.
3) Are you willing to change?
If you are considering a divorce, there is a gap between the marriage you want and the marriage you have. Are you willing to change?
4) If you answered “yes,” options exist.
Pastors. Marriage retreats. Counselors. Many professionals focus on helping couples build healthy marriages. Find one that fits you. Work hard to act on their advice.
Another option–at The Resolution Center we offer Marital Mediation. We work with you to:
- Educate on the elements of healthy relationships, how to understand each other, to blend different personalities, to communicate, and to build intimacy
- Define the marriage you want
- Understand the obstacles in your way
- Create a plan to move from where you are to where you want to be
We help you transition to a relationship that works. That reconnects. That creates a “we” as intimacy reemerges.
5) If you answered “no,” you are likely already emotionally divorced.
Couples often, intentionally or unintentionally, become more wedded to a behavior or another priority than each other. Legal divorce simply makes official the emotional reality.
At The Resolution Center we also offer divorce mediation. We help you honor each other as you separate into individual lives.
We educate you on the options for finances, for parenting, and for long-term life planning post-divorce. Especially when children are involved, we focus on the end-goal; if we can’t help you save your marriage, we will help you save your family.
Is divorce the answer? If you would like help exploring this question, please call 317-344-9740 or email info@TheResolutionCenterIndy.com. We stand ready to serve you.