“Marriage means expectations, and expectations mean conflict.” Paxton Blair.
Moving through Conflict toward a More Intimate Relationship
We’re drawn to people by the connections. When our expectations meet, blend, and build we
choose to go deeper. We tend to marry the person who connects most deeply, whose expectations
meet ours and become the way we know and are known. Then, the daily-ness of life together hits,
and the expectations collide. What do we do when our “happily ever after” becomes a series of
disconnects? When the one who was supposed to know us best doesn’t seem to understand us at
Marital Mediation is not Counseling
Marital Mediation if focused on the future, not the past. It deals with the specific interactions and
behaviors of each person in the relationship that are causing the difficulties. It does not try to
“fix” or change the individual or even redefine the marriage, only the behaviors of each spouse
towards and with the other. When either of the parties have been in counseling, the marital
mediator coordinates with the counselor to make sure the services are complimentary and not
Marital Mediators Discern the Root of Conflicts
In marital mediation, a mediator helps the parties each define and express their expectations in
the marriage. They help the couple explore the specific behaviors that are causing the conflicts
that disrupt their life together. Finally they work with the couple to craft a way changing those
behaviors in reaction to the conflict. Spouses learn how to examine their own assumptions and
desires, take individual responsibility where appropriate and work together to create new ways
Marital Mediation is Different from Conventional Mediation
Marital mediation is different from conventional mediation because it does not require a meeting
of the minds and does not usually result in a formal or written agreement between the parties.
Instead, the purpose of a marriage mediation is to discuss the specific behaviors and disputes or
issues that may be leading to a separation or divorce in order to find solutions to them.