Divorce whirls through lives like a hurricane. Impacting relationships. Finances. Parenting. Bottom line–everything changes.
And, well, we don’t like change. We’d much rather do what we know–even if it hurts–than face the unknown.
So, how do we cope with the whirlwind of change from divorce? Especially the part of going life alone?
Focus on the life you want.
Change overwhelms because we don’t know what is going to happen. As we face the unknown, it’s much easier to focus on what we fear than on the good that may come. We wonder:
- What if I can’t make it financially?
- Can I really take care of the children by myself?
- How do I cope with being alone?
As fears swirl, change seems to bring only ruin.
It can be different. Focus on the good that may come.
If you are a person of faith–find your security in what you know of God. Cling to those teachings. For Christians, remember–Christ promises to care for you in every way.
- He promises to provide all you physically need. Call on Him for wisdom to steward what He is giving to meet your needs.
- He promises to provide all you intellectually need. He is the ultimate authority in parenting. Turn to Him for answers on how to raise your children–on a challenge-by-challenge basis. Ask Him for guidance on work. Seek Him to know how to respond to the leaking roof, the overheated car, or the challenging questions friends ask.
- He promises to provide all you emotionally need. He is constantly present. Rest in His promise that you will never be alone. Remember that He sees you as His child–precious and unique. Even divorce doesn’t change this.
God knows every layer to your struggle. He holds a good future for you in His hands. And He walks with you every step of the path to get there. Focus on Him—and fears fade.
If you aren’t a person of faith–and as a second step for those of faith–create a picture of what you want from life. Change is coming. So, create a vision for the change you want.
- With your children. What kind of life do you want to give them? What goals do you want to help them accomplish? What experiences do you want to share? As you build a picture of life with your children, you find hope for what you can still share with them.
- With your vocation. Do you want to take your current career to new heights? Or, change direction completely? What would your ideal workday be?
- With your lifestyle. When two lives blend, each person gives up something for the sake of the union. What dreams did you set aside for your marriage–which of those can you pursue now?
Focusing on a vision makes the change of divorce seem less a punishment and more an opportunity to pursue opportunities.
Create a plan.
With your vision in place–start making a plan. Then, take one step at a time.
Don’t worry if you don’t have a perfect map. Just take the next step–and correct along the way. The big vision keeps you on track. The daily investment moves you forward.
When asked the secret to his success, country music star Billy Ray Cyrus answered, “My daddy taught me to do at least one thing every day toward my dream. Many days it was something small, but I did something every day to make it. Now, here I am.”
Use every day to build the life you want. Before long, you are living the life you want.
Granted, there will be days that don’t quite live up to the vision. Days you know you blew it with the kids. Or, blew your finances with an impulse purchase.
Take note of what tripped you up. Define better strategies. Then, go to bed and start over tomorrow.
When climbers ascend mountains, they create a team. They rope themselves to a buddy to climb with them. They hire a guide who knows the route and its challenges.
Climbers know they need help to make it to their goal. As you begin your ascent to a new life, include buddies and guides to help you get there.
Friends climb beside you and share the journey. They offer encouragement. They ease the load when it becomes too heavy. They celebrate the victories.
Guides offer expertise to help you discern the best paths and to help conquer challenges. They include:
- financial experts to advise on budgeting,
- counselors to help interpret emotions and frame responses,
- realtors to negotiate housing options,
- pastors to work through spiritual questions,
- attorneys to inform legal decisions.
While many think divorce means going it alone, it shouldn’t. The right team ensures you ascend from the depths of now to your new life at the mountaintop.
Divorce brings change. It doesn’t have to bring insecurity. Find your focus. Create a plan. Get the support you need. These will move you through the changes to a secure future.
If you would like help processing the changes of divorce, The Resolution Center offers divorce coaching. To learn more, email info@TheResolutionCenterIndy.com or call 317-344-9740. We look forward to serving you.