January the month of new plans and fresh starts. As you contemplate all the ways you would like your life to improve this year, would you like a fresh start in your home life?
Couples call The Resolution Center when their marriage is unraveling. Life no longer works, and they desperately desire help.
The most common issue? Conflicts over kids.
Kids misbehaving. Chaos in the schedule. Fights with their spouse about how to handle the children.
Though fed up, couples don’t know how to make a real change. Even worse, many believe no change is possible.
There’s good news. It’s a new year. . .a fresh start is possible. In fact, this could be your family’s best year.
It starts with one key foundation recognizing the vital importance of the parenting team. Parents, and children, thrive when parents get on the same page.
God gave your children to the two of you. More importantly, he specifically designed the two of you to be these children’s parents. And, He designed you as a combination. He knows your children need the best of both of you.
Many couples struggle because one parent’s style varies greatly from the other’s. One is nurturing, encouraging, and focused on fun. The other concentrates on discipline, order, and accomplishing goals.
The nurturer often sees the focused parent as punitive or controlling. The goal-oriented parent sees the nurturer as enabling laziness or fostering weakness. When parents battle each other, they create a gap. This gap often allows children to take over the family. While children may outwardly enjoy getting their way through pitting parents against each other, chaos follows. A chaos both children and parents dread.
In healthy homes, parents realize they each have different strengths. That children need both nurture and order. Both encouragement and discipline. When parents value each other, and the strengths they both bring to the parenting endeavor, they create the balance in parenting children need.
The more disciplined parent helps children respond to instruction and develop the self-control to follow through. The nurturer offers the encouragement and grace needed for the inevitable ups and downs of the learning process. As parents blend their strengths, they soon find themselves becoming more alike. The disciplinarian often becomes more gracious. The nurturer becomes more orderly and goal-focused.
Most importantly, children whose parents work together are more secure, cooperative, and successful people.
Children’s security comes from their parent’s relationship. Period. If parents battle each other (or stop talking to each other because they are tired of the battle), children suffer.
Alternatively, children thrive when parents join forces around basic goals, rules, and consequences.
If you want to improve your family–join forces with your spouse to create a common family plan based on your blended strengths and priorities. What works for one family won’t work for another, so don’t worry about being like everyone else. Much more important is getting on the same page and valuing each other’s contributions.
As you begin to cooperate, the culture of your home will change. As your children experience consistency, calm, and collaboration, they will be more secure. They will also experience a daily example of how to get along with others as they watch their very different parents find ways to work together.
If the new year finds you longing for a peaceful, contented, affirming home, one change can make all the difference. Stop expecting your spouse to be like you. Instead, learn to value and incorporate each other’s unique strengths into the family culture. As you blend the best of both of you create a healthier home.
If you would like help knowing how to create a healthier home, please call The Resolution Center at 317-344-9740 or email info@TheResolutionCenterIndy.com. We stand ready to serve you.