What do divorce and cooking have in common? It turns out–more than one might think.
I was preparing a meal for an ill friend’s family and had it timed to the minute. I could finish the cooking, drop my children at practice, and make an evening appointment. All with five minutes to spare. What could go wrong?
Then, I realized a problem. The chicken was cooking at 270 degrees. The brownies needed 375. I would literally take the chicken from the oven into a carrier to make the schedule. There was no time for baking brownies after. Could brownies cook at 270 degrees?
I pulled up Google and asked. The third entry down said, “Yes, brownies can cook at 270 degrees. In fact, the lower temperature will allow the sweetness to truly come through and, even better …” I didn’t even click on the link to see what else was better. Nor, did I check any of the other answers. I got the answer I wanted and moved on. As it turns out, that wasn’t the best idea.
It isn’t a good idea in divorce either.
When couples decide to divorce, they have questions. Questions based on fear and focused on, “Do I have to split my pension?” “Can the judge force my teenager to visit my spouse?” “Will I get a bigger percentage of the marital pot because I stayed home for 30 years?”
All too often couples do exactly what I did. They go to Google, type in a question, and focus on the first entry that gives the answer they hope for. Not reading other entries. Perhaps, not even fully reading the entry they chose.
When we are scared, we feel reassured when we get information that tells us what we want to hear. At least in the moment. But, in divorce–it’s more important to get the answers that give us the full picture. What we want to hear. What we might not want to hear. And, all the information in-between.
Most often, answers aren’t straightforward. A variety of factors can affect how a particular issue is decided–either in mediation or in Court.
When people put faith in the Google answers that tell them what they want to hear, they enter divorce discussions at a huge disadvantage. Convinced they will get what they want, they are often less cooperative in conversations. Which can mean a far worse outcome and much higher legal fees.
Rather than putting faith in a Google entry that offers what a person wants to hear, those facing divorce do much better to get expert guidance–tailored to their unique circumstances. Rather than costing more money, people enter divorce equipped to understand their options and to creatively find solutions.
It turns out Google was half-right on the brownies. They can cook at 270, but the texture is rubbery and the flavor a bit off. If I had read a variety of Google responses, I might have caught that before serving them to a friend. Going with the answer I hoped for didn’t get me the result I wanted. But, I’ll live down the brownies. People often can’t live down the results of this tactic in their divorce.
If you are divorcing, get advice on your unique situation from experts who can explain all the factors involved. It might not be what you want to hear, but it will be what you need to know. If you are considering divorce, we would be happy to answer your questions. Call 317-344-9740 or email info@TheResolutionCenterIndy.com.