“Well, that’s useless!!” muttered my son as he threw a wrench into the weeds. Trying to remove the rusted bolts from the mower engine proved more than the wrench would handle. A few tools and choice words later, bolts were off.
Then, it was time to reassemble the engine. No tool worked. Finally, he fished the discarded wrench from the weeds. Perfect.
Sometimes, the tool that fails initially proves vital in the end.
Before seeking divorce, most couples try counseling. After weeks, or months, of investment–couples may discern that the marriage is over.
At this point–couples often step away from counseling. “It failed,” they think. “Time to move on.”
Counseling–whether through therapists or pastors–can play a pivotal role in helping you walk through divorce. Counselors offer:
1. Insight for understanding emotions
You probably know the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness/depression, acceptance. We often think of one stage leading to another until we arrive at acceptance.
Dr. Robert Emery notes that it doesn’t work that way in divorce. Those moving through divorce experience emotions much more like:
A spike of bargaining plunges to sadness then spikes to anger before plunging to acceptance–all in the space of a Twinkie. The ups and downs make people feel crazy.
Counselors help you understand the emotions and put them in context. They teach strategies for regaining perspective and moving toward healing. They assure you that your experience is normal–not crazy.
2. Strategies for communicating hard truths
Whether you work with a mediator or move through the court system, you will have to negotiate with your spouse. How you communicate shapes your future relationship with your ex. Determines how well your children will adjust. May significantly impact whether you see the children at all.
Texts, emails, and recorded conversations routinely make their way to the judge. Counselors coach clients on communicating hard truths respectfully. Ensuring not only a good standing before the judge, but a healthier future for your family.
3. A safe place to vent
Divorce serves daily doses of fear and anger. People need a safe place to vent.
While crying on one trusted friend’s shoulder is beneficial, venting to the world is not. Friends and family loath being forced to choose sides. More, the fewer people who know the specifics, the easier the recovery.
Counselors offer a safe place to give full expression to all you are feeling. With a person who helps you understand and use the feelings to make rational decisions. (See point 1.)
Counseling may not have saved your marriage. But, it can still prove invaluable in your divorce. Seek the support you need. You’ll be healthier for it.
For recommendations of good counselors, contact The Resolution Center at 317-344-9740 or info@TheResolutionCenterIndy.com. We would love to connect you to people who can help.